It's December 19th ... Christmas is just around the corner and I'm not ready. Earlier in the season I was really looking forward to it and was quite excited about the whole thing. But it hasn't really turned out the way I expected. Decorating the house and tree ended up getting done later than I wanted ... but it does look nice.


I had Jonathan send out the gifts to Mom and Kelly/Dan and family yesterday. Again later than I would have wanted ... but it's done.


Jacob is driving me crazy with this Wii and Playstation thing. Okay really, it's Jonathan and Jacob that are driving me crazy with this. Yesterday after work Jacob told me that he had decided that he wanted the Playstation not the Wii after all. Crap ... I bought the Wii already and drove all over the place trying to get it too. I felt so awful yesterday, I wanted to cry.

A Good Day

Oh today was a good day. FINALLY, Jillian got into Mount Royal University to do her upgrading. Oh man, that took a long time and a lot of effort. If only she had listened to me and got this show on the road a lot earlier. I'm hoping she has learned her lesson here and will finally stop procrastinating. And of course, I did have to bug her this morning to get on the computer and try again to find classes with openings. I guess that's my job but I want so much for her to get on the band wagon and do these things for herself because she wants to do it.

But I'm happy ... really, really happy. What a load off my back.

Christmas Stress

The really cold weather is still going strong. Okay, "Weather Gods" ... ready for summer again! Anyone listening? Well perhaps there aren't any "Weather Gods" but I am so over this winter weather already and winter hasn't officially started yet. Yikes! I'm hoping like crazy that this cold will break soon.

Still haven't seen Penny but we have made plans to go downtown on Wednesday before she goes into work. I'm already looking forward to it. I have my fingers crossed that it won't be as bitterly cold as it has been these past few days. But even if it is, we will go, have a coffee (or lunch) and talk and laugh and make plans. Oh, I'm really looking forward to it.

This afternoon I was called into work around 2:30. Micheal needed me to come in for the 3:30 shift. Of course I went in but every fiber of my being wanted to stay home and hang out with the family and watch TV or maybe play some games. But I went to work and it ended up being a good night too. Jillian, Chris and Jacob stopped by and brought me a coffee and that was a wonderful surprise. They are good kids!

I'm still in a knot emotionally because my Mom won't come to Calgary for Christmas. Whatever her reason she isn't sharing it with me. We've offered to fly her out if it was money that was holding her back. I've made the offer and so did Jonathan but she refuses to come. When I was at work this evening I talked to Sherry and Micheal a bit about it. I wondered if I was being selfish and needed a little third party input. When it was all said and done I think I've some to the conclusion that it's her decision not to come to Calgary and spend Christmas with her family and there isn't anything I can do about it. And I shouldn't spend any more time worrying about a decision I have no control over. Okay, that's easy to say now. But on Christmas Day ... will it be that easy? God, I don't know. Let's just say, that I've always made time to come to Calgary over the Christmas holidays. Whether there was a blizzard, or traveling alone or with Jonathan or with a baby ... I've always come so she wouldn't be alone for the holidays. I guess that I'm feeling a little let down that she won't do the same. But there is nothing I can do about it and I have to be okay with that.

I suppose I'm a little disappointed that Christmas, the one holiday that I truly enjoy and look forward to, has become the holiday that isn't turning out as hoped. I've got to focus more in the next week and a half on just enjoying my family that wants to be a part of it and taking the focus off people who have chosen not to be around.

" 'Tis the season to be jolly " ... Okay, I'll work on it.

What To Do?

So today is turning out to be a not-too-bad day. I ended up trading my afternoon/evening shift for a daytime shift before I left the office yesterday. Micheal was our Supervisor and he got a sick call pretty late in the evening. I offered to trade my evening shift to someone who wanted to pick up a shift but would prefer the evening instead. As it turns out Sherry was in exactly that position. She traded with me. Now I get to be home with Jacob this evening.

Jonathan is still away in Toronto. He comes back home on Friday sometime. Things at home have been going smoothly and all was good until yesterday. Now nothing drastic happened but after Jillian came home from work she went out with Chris and left Jacob home all by himself. He can be alone by himself, he is old enough, but I was really counting on her to be home to keep him company when I was working what would have been these 3 evenings. Needless to say, I'm a little disappointed with her. Lord knows I don't ask much of her and I sort of feel like she really let me down. Am I being dramatic? I don't know.

But to be honest, this isn't the only thing that has got my underwear in a knot. I am having serious concerns about her and this whole school thing. She's on a wait list with Mount Royal for her Chemistry upgrading. She was able to get into Biology but what she really needs she didn't get into. And why? Because she kept putting off registering for the classes. Ho-Le-Crap ... what do I have to do to get that kid serious about things. Lord knows I did mention it over and over again but she waited until the last day ... the day the fees were due to even look into registering. I want to cry all the time when it comes to that kid. How do I light a fire under her butt? Why doesn't she want this opportunity? I want to step back from all this stress and just let her handle it. I don't think I can do this though.

I've thought a lot about this over the past few days and I've decided that if she isn't in school next semester that we will start charging her rent. Seriously, I didn't want to do this but she is leaving me no choice. I know she will be angry about it but maybe then she will see how important it is to get an education and make some money so she will be able to pay rent, etc. Even the fact that she spends so much time with Chris is starting to get to me. Whenever he comes over they do absolutely nothing but watch TV or play video games. I'm starting to not like the fact that he's in her life. He seems to have next to zero ambition even though, at the beginning, it seemed like he did have some. Funny, the more you get to know people isn't it? They are doing their upgrading at the same time and I really thought they would be mature about it and get it done. But I was wrong, wrong, wrong. And of course I'm disappointed in her because all I went on and on about was that she needed to commit these 5 months to getting her school upgrading completed. What did she do? Enrol in 3 classes, drop two of them and then make a half-assed attempt to work on the only class she's currently taking. Lord love a duck! She's driving me crazy!

New Year Ahead

It's already December 8th. We are in the middle of a crazy cold spell. I haven't seen Penny as much as we used to see each other when we were in our serious work-out mode. We've gone out for coffee a few times and that is always nice but it's not frequent enough.Penny has made some big changes (for the better) in her life and I'm really proud of her. As for me, well things are quite the same. No changes on the horizon for me. I recently had a birthday ... now I'm 46 years old. How the heck did I get to be 46 years old? I know everyone says this, but time really does fly. I didn't have the greatest birthday ever ... I worked, Jonathan was in Toronto, it was super cold and I had to work with my Aunt. And for the record, she didn't wish me a Happy Birthday ... which for some reason, made the day even worse for me. But that's another story all together. Dinner was pizza because I didn't want to cook on my birthday after working all day long. The evening was spent with the kids watching an animated movie that was playing on TV. So those are the details of the day I turned 46 ... big sigh.Now what? Now what do I do? I sense that I'm a little down because I don't have any big plans. I don't have anything to specifically look forward to. I've applied for a position here at work that would give me more hours but due to my lack of seniority I highly doubt that I will get it. But I figured that I had to put my hat into the ring, so to speak, to let my supervisors know that I was interested. The whole application seems like an exercise in futility.So this is a new year for me and soon it will be a whole new year for everyone. I've decided to start some projects. There is the Photoshop class Penny and I are thinking about taking. But what else can I do? The obvious for me is to get back to the gym. God I miss going to the gym ... I miss working out and hanging out with Penny. Those were good times even though every muscle in my body complained bitterly from time to time. I'm going to throw myself into some creative projects too ... like art and writing ... be it bad or even worse ... it will be fun.So even though it's not the actual time to make New Year's Resolutions ... I guess I've done just that.

Big Snow Storm

Wow did we ever get a big snow storm yesterday. It started snowing in the morning and literally snowed all day long. The winds were blowing creating snow drifts and white-out conditions everywhere.

Luckily, I didn't have to work. I stayed inside for the better part of the day making gingerbread cookies. Other than that, I didn't do too much. Jacob went over to John's house to go tobogganing in Fish Creek Park (which is right outside his front door). Jillian was meeting her old friend Madi for coffee at Starbucks before she herself had to head off to work. So around 2:20pm I was driving them both to their outings. Since I was in the car, I went to the public library and picked up the three Chihuly books I had on hold. That's when I noticed that the roads were a total mess. Macleod Trail South was backed up ... people going to the 22X were having huge delays. Thankfully, I didn't have to go that far and although I was caught in some traffic, once I cleared that exit it was pretty smooth sailing. In fact, I even decided to go to the bottle depot since my trunk was full of the bottles I had neglected to drop off earlier in the week. That was great too because not a single soul was in the bottle depot. I was in and out of there in a flash.

Jillian ended up not working, she read her schedule wrong. She called me and I picked her up from work just after 4:00. But that wasn't my only errand, she lost her cell phone and she suspected that it was left behind at Starbucks. Again, lucky that it was blizzarding outside and the place was dead. She did leave on the table and the guy sitting at the next table had turned in. I told her to buy him a cookie to say thanks. And although she initially thought it was a dumb "mom idea" after wards she said she was glad she did.

So once we were home it was time to pick up Jacob from John's house. After that we met Jonathan at the Cattle Baron for my birthday dinner. That restaurant was one that I did not pick. The kids and I wanted to go to Moxie's but we were over-ruled by Jonathan. We picked Moxie's because it is close to home (we like it) and it wasn't worth driving far on bad roads just for my birthday dinner. Now, how can I get over-ruled when it's my birthday? Ho-Le-Crap how do I let Jonathan walk all over me? I was and am a little put out about it. But what the heck can I do?

This morning when I was leaving for work the snow drift behind the garage was huge and I had a little difficulty exiting the garage. The alley was the same ... almost impossible to get through. The streets in the neighbourhood were the same ... I didn't dare stop for fear of not being able to get going again. The main roads were better because they had been plowed over night. But the drifting was starting again, the winds were very strong and the blowing snow made driving tough and visibility terrible.

Now the snow has stopped, which is good. The wind, on the other hand, is still going very strong. I wonder how long this is going to last?

Doctor's Visit

Yesterday I went for my yearly physical. Oh how I don't enjoy those office visits. Don't get me wrong, I really like my doctor, he's a great guy. But laying there naked is just so ... well ... yucky. He asked me all the normal questions to which I had nothing remarkable to note. My doctor questioned why my blood pressure is always going up and down. This time it was well up. It's been like that for a few years (up and down). The last time I was seriously concerned is when Jonathan and I went to Mexico. I was worried I'd have a heart attack or something in a foreign country. But everything worked out fine. But back to the appointment, while I was laying there I did mention that my heart is still "acting up" every now and again. He then wrote a requisition for me to get an EKG at the lab where they would be doing my blood/urine testing. Okay, I wasn't prepared for that one. But, at the lab, as I lay there with all the electrodes stuck onto my chest, arms and legs I noticed that my heart did miss a beat. It didn't stall, drag, pull, race, shake, thump out of beat ... nothing. So how much that test will be able to tell is a mystery to me. I think it will be non-conclusive.

My doctor mentioned to me that a holter monitor would be the next step. Craptastic! My sister Teresa had one and it proved nothing. In fact the last time we were at her house for supper (Nov.20th - my uncle's birthday) she ended up in the hospital after we left due to heart problems. The 'heart attack' she thought she was having ended up being an anxiety attack. I'm pretty sure I don't suffer from anxiety attacks. That wouldn't make sense to me ... I get most of my heart issues when I'm at my calmest ... when I'm relaxing or sleeping. Sure I get them when I'm out and about too, but if it were anxiety I believe I would get them in times of stress, not times when I'm most relaxed.

Oh well. I go to the doctor on December 22 to go over my test results. Cross your fingers that everything comes back good.

Oh I forgot to mention that the lady that took my blood was great. She was a real breath of fresh air. She had trouble drawing blood from my right arm and she joked that she'd knit a sweater while she waited for the vial to fill. When it just stopped flowing totally she had to draw blood from the left arm. And Ho-Le-Crap, do my arms ever hurt today. Did she ever draw a lot of blood ... probably more than I've ever had taken at one time. So I guess I am having a lot of tests done. Good? Hopefully, it will be.

But for the record, I'm feeling good. No complaints, no real issues. The only thing I ever worry about are the problems I have with my heart ... which is off and on. And now knowing I have high blood pressure again is a little bit of a concern to me. Not a good combination. Hmmm ... there is nothing I can really "do" about it for now I guess. I will proceed to take more potassium because I believe it helped me last time. But other than that, I have to be relaxed about it, not stress and just take things one day at a time.