This is my last day being in my 40's. Even writing it makes me sad. I was going to say sick to my stomach but that wasn't correct either. I had a hard time turning 30. I had a hard time turning 40. This is also a very hard time for me. 40 seemed so middle age to me. 50 seems like the beginning of old age to me. It's difficult because I haven't done things that I've wanted to do yet. Some things I have done. I've had kids and that was important to me. We've bought a house, that is also very important.
But there seems to be so much left to do and it feels like I'm running out of time to do it. The sad thing is, I'm not even sure what I want to do anymore because I haven't made it a priority to keep these hopes and dreams.
I would really love a job that I love. I would like to be happier. I would like not to be afraid. I don't even know if there is enough time for that.
I haven't seen half the stuff I thought I'd see. I haven't done enough things either.
My life has been pretty simple and basic. Sometimes that's good and it brings me comfort to know that I have it as good as I do. Then at other times I wonder what it would have been like to do more things, see more things. Would that have made turning 50 easier? I can't even begin to guess.
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