Darlene

A friend died at the beginning of March.   Her memorial is April 4th.     It's in Vancouver and I'm not going.    It's a 12 hour car trip across the mountains and the weather is unpredictable at this time of year.    I could fly and rent a car when I get there, stay the night and fly home afterwards.   But that is too expensive really.    If the option was to drive I believe I would go.    I've decided to stay home instead.   I feel sort of bad about it though.      
If I were going to see her for a visit that would be another matter entirely.   But sadly, this isn't the case.   The only person I would know there is Joey, her common-law partner and he is a pathetic waste of space.   
He broke her heart.   She died alone and lonely and utterly heartbroken.    I blame him for all that.   It breaks my heart thinking about it.   And it makes me mad.    
Two people have asked me if I am going to the funeral.    It's not easy to say no I'm not going.    But they aren't going either.
I've spent so much time and energy worrying and wondering about her death.    Now I feel exhausted by it all.    I heard through the grapevine that she passed away due to a stroke.    Joey promised to tell me when he got the autopsy results but he never fulfilled that promise.   The last person I want to see is him.   I don't want to express my sympathy to him either.  
It's all so sad.  

January 24, 2016

I haven't written a lot because I don't want to write when I'm feeling down.    But I think I have to write and get some things off my chest. 


Jacob is planning a trip to Iceland.    That's my bucket list place.    It's a place I would have loved to go to with Jacob.   But he is planning his trip with a guy from SAIT and he's all excited.    I'm happy for him but I'm sad for me.    He originally said his friend would meet him there.    He said that thinking that we would go and he friend would meet him.    But to be honest, with Jillian's wedding coming up the likelihood of me going was slim to none.     It makes me really sad.


Jillian and Chris had a skiing weekend in Kimberly BC this weekend.    Jacob ended up taking care of their dog overnight at their house and we just had to go over yesterday and check on Louis to make sure he had a bathroom break while Jacob was at work.    


What I wanted to do was go to the poker game hosted by Darrel and Glenn but that didn't work out.    I did ask Jonathan if we wanted to go and told him it wasn't a blood thirsty game.    The rules made sure of that.    But he didn't say yes or no.   He just really ignored my whole conversation and we didn't go. 


When Jillian and Chris came over to pick up their dog we talked a little about their wedding.     I mentioned that I would like to make their guest book and that quickly turned into Jonathan telling them about the framed photo at Jason's wedding where guests signed the photo matt.     Then Jillian said Lindsay and Kia did the same and then just about that time I realised my offer was no longer valid.    I have to admit, that hurt.    I don't think one single thing I've mentioned about the wedding has been taken seriously.   Not even a little bit.