Snow

We had a real serious snowfall this morning.   The kind of snow that didn't melt the minute it hit the ground.   Thankfully I didn't have to go to work, I heard the commute to work was slow moving .   Typical first snow drive.   Glad I missed it.

Jillian and Chris made it back home safely from their get-a-way in BC.   They were gone only 2 days but it sounded like they had a good time.   

Jacob and I went to the SAIT and ACAD open houses on the weekend.    We were impressed with the professionalism of SAIT and disappointed with ACAD.     Jacob has his heart set on going to SAIT when he is done with high school.    I'm happy he's more or less found a bit of a direction to go in.    It's a start and it's important to know where to start.

Tomorrow I go back to see Dr. Singh and see what the Echo test came up with.   I'm pretty sure I know I don't want to be on medications, meaning betablockers.    They scare the hell out of me.    Hopefully, that isn't something he'll suggest.     I just want to know what's going on and what I can do about it.    I really want to get back to the gym ... just wanting some re-assurance that it will be okay to do so.    Kind of nervous, have to admit.

Thanksgiving

Tomorrow is our Thanksgiving dinner and we are having it here at our house with Uncle Wally and Jillian and Chris coming over.    Jonathan will be golfing in the morning so I have to do most of it myself.    Part of me is unhappy about that because it's a lot of work and Jonathan doesn't care about that.     The other part of me is glad that he'll be out and out of the way.    He is so bossy and just stresses me out a lot of the time.

Today I took Jacob to South Centre to pick up his snowboard.    I paid for it and I don't know if he plans to pay me back or not.    Last weekend we picked up his new phone that he was going to pay me back for and so far, he hasn't.      I think this week, I'll mention it and hopefully he will pay me back.

It's after midnight right now and I should get to bed.   I have a lot to do in the morning.

Some Things Just Don't Work Out

They say when one door closes another door opens.    Sometimes that sounds like a bunch of crap even though deep down I know it's right.    The adoption of Mercury has come to a screeching halt, he going to another family.   Jacob and I found out yesterday afternoon when we made a visit to see a dog named Cerita.    I was under the impression that the rescue didn't think we was a good match for us because he's so busy.     But I was under the impression that it was still our decision.    I thought it was a good idea to see another dog only to see what the temperament of an older dog would be.   But during that visit we found out that Mercury was going to another family.    She didn't say why and I think that's what hurt quite a bit.    I felt like crying right away and was so choked up I could hardly speak.   It was awful.

The dog Cerita was a four year old female but she looked older to me but really mellow and calm.   Nice enough but she looked like she has been through the puppy rearing years and it had taken it's toll on her.   I wasn't smitten with her.   I didn't have the feeling that she was the dog for me.   I wasn't in love and that's what I should have felt.   

 

As Jacob and I drove away we talked about our disappointment and made the decision not to actively look for a dog right now.    Something about Mercury was special and that's why we wanted him in our lives.    I don't just want a dog to have a dog.   I want a dog that grabs my heart 100%.   I'm sad about the whole process.    It seemed like a total waste of time and not just our time, the time of our friends too.     I know now that the Xolo Rescue League isn't the right organization for us.   It's not just because we didn't get him, it's how it all happened.    Too many people involved in the process and not enough communication.    

 

  

Xolo Update

We were approved by the Xolo Rescue League but it seems like they are trying to talk us out of Mercury saying he is wild and crazy ... hanging off people and curtains.    I don't know why they would say that though.   It's more of a reflection of the foster family than the dog itself if you ask me.   Sure I do know little puppies are busy, busy little things.    Stuart was a fast and energetic pup before he grew up.     He was a lot of work but what a lot of fun we had learning about him and what he needed and who he was.     I'm not particularly turned off by the fact that Mercury is high spirited.    What I am worried about is the tension he may bring into the house.   I would hate to make the call to adopt him and then something happens where he does some damage when we are gone.    I can remember how mad Jonathan would get with happenings with Stuart.   It was super tense sometimes and I don't know if I am up for that kind of stress.

 

It's not puppy stress I'm worried about ... it's family stress.    Seriously, I don't have a clue about what to do.   

 

In my heart I'm thinking "let's do it".   When I don't over think it and when I look at his photo I'm pretty sure I know what I would like to do.      It's only when I sit and think ... then I start to worry about making a decision that could bring us more tension that I start to second guess what my heart is saying.

 

It's not easy.

Mercury

The other day I was looking and dog rescue sites in and around Calgary mostly out of curiosity to see what kind of dogs are out there right now.    I wasn't looking for a dog and when I was finished looking only one really stood out in my mind.   It was a dog that looked similar to Dan and Kelly's Grommit.    The next day I showed Jonathan and he started looking at other sites too.    He even visited a site that I wouldn't have even looked at ... a Xolo Rescue site.   Those are hairless dogs.   And knowing how Jonathan thinks about hairless cats, I would have never looked at these guys.

But he opened up the site and after looking at a couple of dogs he didn't like, he spotted Mercury.   What a character!    Jonathan liked him right off the bat.   I would have never in a million years guessed that.   He's listed as a baby, but how old, I don't know.    But he quickly sent off an email asking if Calgary would be suitable for him and what his expected size would be.   They sent back an email the next day saying Calgary would be fine and he would be just under 20lbs when fully grown.  They also attached an adoption application.   Jacob, Jonathan and I talked about it for a little while and decided to start the application process.    Right now he is living in California and we would have to get approved.  It seems like quite the process.   Tomorrow Jonathan is faxing the application form off and then we'll see what happens.   If it is meant to be it will happen.   If it's going to happen then perhaps it's not the right time yet.

 

Oh well, it's interesting to say the least.

 

 

Horoscopes / Health / Dreams

My horoscope today via Facebook:

"At the moment you have come to a complete dead end. Nothing seems to be progressing and you are tempted to admit defeat. Consider such moments as a test of your willpower and it will soon become clear how important it is to you that you follow through with your plans. You will then find the energy required to continue, regardless of obstacles. Otherwise you must let it go and start again with a completely different outlook."

 

"Come to a complete dead end", that's how it feels.   I'm tired of not feeling well and I'm really tired of my scalp hurting most of the time.    I'm sick of my hair falling out, it's so thin right now I don't know what on earth I can do anymore.   It makes me scared.

 

I had the worst dreams last night, absolute nightmares.   One dream I heard scratching on Jacob's door the sounded exactly like Stuart wanting to get out.   I knew Stuart had passed away and wondered what on earth was making the scratching noise.   I got out of bed and opened the door and Stuart came out!     I was so startled and confused.    I still can't shake that.

 

In another dream Jillian and Chris got married last Tuesday and didn't tell anyone.    In the dream she told me over the phone I think.     Gosh, that would be terrible too.   

 

Between the dreams and the sore scalp I don't think I really slept much at all.   I'm so tired right now I could go back to bed.

 

I feel like I'm falling apart and I'm worried that I am actually falling apart.   I've never been so much of a wreck my whole life.    I'm seeing an Internal Medicine specialist on Monday, day after tomorrow, and I'm holding so much hope that he can figure out what is wrong with me.     I'm scared he won't be able to find anything out though.     I'm a wreck.

FML ... again

Jonathan seems just a little too interested in Jer's new girlfriend.   It seems like he just can't wait to tell people all about it.    Along with having to discuss it with Betty prior to going out for dinner he was chomping on the bit to tell Randy and Glenna last night when we went for drinks.

 

And it gets more interesting with the telling.   Now now only is she good looking, 25 years younger, plays golf, a nursing student ... she's also a model.   Well who would have thought?   Not me.    Wow, she really must be too good to be true.    Jonathan says the only people that would have a problem with it are the people who are jealous of Jer.   Hmm, seems to me the same would go for people who keep talking about it.