Mother's Day ... A really tough day

I woke up on Mother's day to Jonathan sitting on the side of the bed closest to me tellling me that Clete had just passed away.    What a way to start the day ... I was shocked ... I was stunned ... I almost didn't know how to react.    Jonathan asked if I wanted to go into the kids' rooms and tell them with him ... I couldn't.    gosh I'm such a whimp.

Jonathan quickly packed up some stuff and drove to Edmonton to be with his mom.    That was a good choice but I was left here alone and not knowing what to feel or how to react.     I sat on the computer for a while trying to sort out in my head what was going on with my emotions and I sank into auto pilot.    I jumped into the tub, got ready, had the kids write up a shopping list and went shopping to Superstore.    Shopping wasn't easy, I was in tears all the time.   But it got done.    After that I got ready for work and I went to work.   Sort of crazy in hindsight.    The only person that knew I lost my father-in-law was Jodie.   She had seen Jillian's post on line while I was on the computer that morning.    She kept it quiet and was very supportive.    Just before 9:30 that evening Mahara stood up and from across the room asked me how my father-in-law was doing.    I told her he had just passed away this morning.     More than one person seemed shocked but no one made me talk about it.    That helped.     That evening before I went home both Jodie and Yvonne come over and gave me a hug.    It was nice to know they cared.   It was a really hard day.

The next day, Monday, I was suppose to work in the afternoon/evening.     I had a headache and decided to phone in sick ... with a little advice from Lori (from work) who I had been chatting with on line.    So I was home when Jonathan came home from Edmonton.   He  had a good visit and it did him a lot of good.

So here I am today, it's Wednesday and I'm so sick.   I have the worst head cold ... I'm so miserable.   I did go into work this morning at 8:00 and once again I don't know if that was the wisest choice.    I came home after work to a messy kitchen and I wanted to just cry ... so I went to bed instead.    I slept most of the evening, woke up had a bath and now I'm writing here.

I  have theory as to why I got sick.    It comes from stress and not giving myself the chance to release it.    I sort of cry but I don't really let loose and just cry and get it out.   When I do start to get weepy I suck it up and stop myself from getting carried away.   But I think that's why I got so sick and I'm miserable.