Back To Normal

So I think I'm officially out of my funk.   Honestly I don't know what got into me.    But thankfully it's over and I'm feeling a more like myself now.

This afternoon at work I applied for a job with EMS dispatch.    Heaven knows if I'll get a call but it was kind of nice just to apply and put myself out there.

Today after work I met Penny for a coffee.  We always have a pretty good time talking and visiting ... walking around the mall and looking at things.   I feel like I don't need to say it but she bought things ... three skirts to be exact.    I did see a couple of things I liked too which is odd.   Perhaps I will go back and check things out one day on my own.   But we'll see.

Good Bye to Summer

It continues to rain outside.   It's been raining for days I think.  Or perhaps it only feels like it.   Either way, it's been a cold, wet summer and it's turning out to be a cold, wet autumn too.     I was out in the garden yesterday afternoon and picked all the stuff I could.   There wasn't much to be had but I did get two big zucchini's and some green beans, a couple really small green peppers and that was pretty much it.    I haven't looked at the carrots yet but to be honest they still look like baby plants so I can't imagine the carrots growing in the ground are any better.

We had a light frost and it's noticeable on the zucchini plants and the tomato plants.    The leaves on the trees are turning yellow and are rapidly falling to the ground.    Summer is over and yet it feels like it never really got started.    It's disappointing really.

Time For A Change

Back at work again.   I still have a rocking headache.   I've had the blasted thing all day.   I've taken lots of Advil this afternoon but nothing is working and I'd really hate to take more.   I've picked up a shift for Thursday morning over at FMC/ACH.   And as much as I hate it I think working and making the money is going to be worth it.

I still think I need a change of pace although I'm not sure at all what I plan to do about it.    I'll have to give it some serious consideration.

My Heart's Not In It Anymore

I've come to the conclusion that my heart just isn't into work anymore.   Not that's it's been a driving passion of mine or anything but I've enjoyed the last couple of years.    I really hated the first year ... I mean really hated it to the point where I had to talk myself into going in every single day.   But now I go and for the most part look forward to it.   It's the people I enjoy, my co-workers (for the most part) are really fantastic people.

Just this past weekend I found out that our rotations are changing and the two days I enjoy the most (my two 2:45 shifts at RGH/PLC) are moving over to FMC/ACH.    I'm really upset about it.     These two shifts are the ONLY shifts I love working.   I feel like the rug has been pulled out from under me.    I'm upset and mad.    Upset and mad have become reoccurring themes in my writing lately.   Sadly there is nothing I can do about it.    My place of work isn't what it once was ... there are too many stupid rules ... there are too many stupid changes.   I'm wondering if I just shouldn't look around for something else.    I'll have to keep my eyes open and put it out the the universe that I need a change.   Crap do I need a change!

September 1, 2010

September already.   I love fall, but it seems like it's come along too soon this year.   This may actually be the worst summer we've experienced here in Calgary.    The weather today was really cool and very windy, we even got some rain this afternoon.

The weather has been quite lousy and so has my mood.   I think the two are totally unrelated ... no, I know the two are totally unrelated.

I'm feeling continually restless and I have so much on my mind I could just scream (if I was a screamer).    I'm feeling rather unsettled and I don't know what to do about it.    The old topic of getting married is on my mind.   I know it's on my mind because I've been to a wedding this summer (Holly's), Pat's son got married and Shevaughn, from work, was in a wedding party recently.   Now I'm really happy for them all, but it leaves me wondering why on earth Jonathan has never wanted to marry me.    In fact, the more I think about it, the more upset I get about the whole thing.    It leaves me feeling a little unworthy or something.    And to tell the truth, I haven't the slightest idea what makes me so unworthy.    It's very frustrating.    Frustrated is only a starting point though, it makes me sad and mad too.    I wonder if I've wasted my life a little?   I wonder if perhaps there was someone out there that would have put my feelings first?    I'm left with a lot of questions.   Questions I know will be very hard to answer.