Afraid to Get Started

I won't gripe and groan about my continued lack of enthusiasm for this running venture. I've managed to put off running, in fact, it's starting to feel like I'm avoiding it all together. When I resolve to get going the next morning I wake up feeling awful (awful enough to go back to bed) and avoid the gym completely.
I've gone so far as to collect inspirational running and motivational quotes and read them before bed hoping to spur myself and enthusiasm along. Nothing has worked. Then yesterday morning I get cramps and then the obvious follows. Needless to say no running was done yesterday.

Am I ready to give up this notion of running? I'd like to think I haven't. Looking at my daytimer there are opportunities to get this started as early as next Monday morning. Both Monday and Tuesday I work the afternoon / evening shift leaving me both mornings to get started. Wednesday and Thursday I don't work at all (yet) so I have the possibility of having the days off. Friday I'm working an early shift. That leaves me a possible 4 mornings - barring any notion of being called in. I really should get it started. The rational part of my brain knows that once I've started at the gym I'll really love it. The part of my brain that holds me back is the section of my brain that is locked in the "fear of failure" mode. Now if I could only convince myself that true failure would be not starting at all.
I have to keep telling myself that. True failure would be not starting at all.

Life Update

Well I re-read some of my previous posts.   Looks like not too much has changed in my life since I've started this blog of mine.    I'm still basically not happy with work and haven't done too much in the way of changing it either.    Funny how life is isn't it??

The only major change seems to be the fact that I am no longer complaining about Jonathan not marrying me.     Since we've been married not much has changed (other than my wondering why we aren't).    Things continue the way they were.   I'm not happier, I'm not less happy either.  

I don't know exactly why, but I'm not the most content person.    I can't put my finger on it exactly but "discontent" seems to be a good word to describe me.    I know I am responsible for my own happiness but right now I don't know how to get it.     To be honest, one thing I know may help, I haven't done.   That would be to exercise.   Exercise releases endorphins and I know how I feel when I'm really exercising regularly.   I know I owe it to myself to start seriously again but I'm in a little bit of a rut and can't seem to get myself motivated.   

I'm in the middle of an eight shift run at work.   That alone makes my energy levels sink to an all time low.   Five of the eight shifts are all afternoon/evening shifts.   A person has to work but I wish I wasn't working shift work all the time.   I could spend all the time in the world complaining about it but it wouldn't change a thing.