Xolo Update

We were approved by the Xolo Rescue League but it seems like they are trying to talk us out of Mercury saying he is wild and crazy ... hanging off people and curtains.    I don't know why they would say that though.   It's more of a reflection of the foster family than the dog itself if you ask me.   Sure I do know little puppies are busy, busy little things.    Stuart was a fast and energetic pup before he grew up.     He was a lot of work but what a lot of fun we had learning about him and what he needed and who he was.     I'm not particularly turned off by the fact that Mercury is high spirited.    What I am worried about is the tension he may bring into the house.   I would hate to make the call to adopt him and then something happens where he does some damage when we are gone.    I can remember how mad Jonathan would get with happenings with Stuart.   It was super tense sometimes and I don't know if I am up for that kind of stress.

 

It's not puppy stress I'm worried about ... it's family stress.    Seriously, I don't have a clue about what to do.   

 

In my heart I'm thinking "let's do it".   When I don't over think it and when I look at his photo I'm pretty sure I know what I would like to do.      It's only when I sit and think ... then I start to worry about making a decision that could bring us more tension that I start to second guess what my heart is saying.

 

It's not easy.

Mercury

The other day I was looking and dog rescue sites in and around Calgary mostly out of curiosity to see what kind of dogs are out there right now.    I wasn't looking for a dog and when I was finished looking only one really stood out in my mind.   It was a dog that looked similar to Dan and Kelly's Grommit.    The next day I showed Jonathan and he started looking at other sites too.    He even visited a site that I wouldn't have even looked at ... a Xolo Rescue site.   Those are hairless dogs.   And knowing how Jonathan thinks about hairless cats, I would have never looked at these guys.

But he opened up the site and after looking at a couple of dogs he didn't like, he spotted Mercury.   What a character!    Jonathan liked him right off the bat.   I would have never in a million years guessed that.   He's listed as a baby, but how old, I don't know.    But he quickly sent off an email asking if Calgary would be suitable for him and what his expected size would be.   They sent back an email the next day saying Calgary would be fine and he would be just under 20lbs when fully grown.  They also attached an adoption application.   Jacob, Jonathan and I talked about it for a little while and decided to start the application process.    Right now he is living in California and we would have to get approved.  It seems like quite the process.   Tomorrow Jonathan is faxing the application form off and then we'll see what happens.   If it is meant to be it will happen.   If it's going to happen then perhaps it's not the right time yet.

 

Oh well, it's interesting to say the least.

 

 

Horoscopes / Health / Dreams

My horoscope today via Facebook:

"At the moment you have come to a complete dead end. Nothing seems to be progressing and you are tempted to admit defeat. Consider such moments as a test of your willpower and it will soon become clear how important it is to you that you follow through with your plans. You will then find the energy required to continue, regardless of obstacles. Otherwise you must let it go and start again with a completely different outlook."

 

"Come to a complete dead end", that's how it feels.   I'm tired of not feeling well and I'm really tired of my scalp hurting most of the time.    I'm sick of my hair falling out, it's so thin right now I don't know what on earth I can do anymore.   It makes me scared.

 

I had the worst dreams last night, absolute nightmares.   One dream I heard scratching on Jacob's door the sounded exactly like Stuart wanting to get out.   I knew Stuart had passed away and wondered what on earth was making the scratching noise.   I got out of bed and opened the door and Stuart came out!     I was so startled and confused.    I still can't shake that.

 

In another dream Jillian and Chris got married last Tuesday and didn't tell anyone.    In the dream she told me over the phone I think.     Gosh, that would be terrible too.   

 

Between the dreams and the sore scalp I don't think I really slept much at all.   I'm so tired right now I could go back to bed.

 

I feel like I'm falling apart and I'm worried that I am actually falling apart.   I've never been so much of a wreck my whole life.    I'm seeing an Internal Medicine specialist on Monday, day after tomorrow, and I'm holding so much hope that he can figure out what is wrong with me.     I'm scared he won't be able to find anything out though.     I'm a wreck.

FML ... again

Jonathan seems just a little too interested in Jer's new girlfriend.   It seems like he just can't wait to tell people all about it.    Along with having to discuss it with Betty prior to going out for dinner he was chomping on the bit to tell Randy and Glenna last night when we went for drinks.

 

And it gets more interesting with the telling.   Now now only is she good looking, 25 years younger, plays golf, a nursing student ... she's also a model.   Well who would have thought?   Not me.    Wow, she really must be too good to be true.    Jonathan says the only people that would have a problem with it are the people who are jealous of Jer.   Hmm, seems to me the same would go for people who keep talking about it.

Not A Good Day

Woke up this morning without a better perspective.   Still feeling low and dwelling on what I've done with my life.    How come I haven't done most of the things I've wanted to do?   I haven't gone to places I've wanted to go.  Why am I feeling so unfullfilled?   Why do I get so jealous about other people's lives?    I'm feeling stuck and miserable.

I received a couple of calls for work, one ridiculously early this morning and one before noon.    I didn't even pick up the phone.    Going to work isn't going to make me happy, staying home isn't king me happy.    What on earth do I do?

Worried

This evening at work I told a couple of my co-workers about my high blood pressure, etc., because they wanted to know how my training was going for the half marathon in October.    It was kind of weird because I really didn't want to tell anyone since I don't know what's really going on myself (and won't until I see the specialist on Sept. 17th).     But since they asked I didn't want to lie and say the training was going well.    I just didn't want to lie about it.

 

 

I can't say letting them know about it made me feel any better.    It was a little embarrassing to admit I had failed trying to reach my goal but they didn't make me feel that way, I just found it hard.   

 

On the drive home tonight I wondered about my life in general.   Thinking about regrets, etc. I had and little things like that.   I think everyone has regrets from time to time and most of the time we don't really spend a lot of time thinking about them.     But tonight on the drive home that's exactly what I was thinking about.   

 

I know that I'm worried about my heart and what's going on with it and I know that's why I'm a little pre-occupied with this sort of stuff.    It's like getting ready to go on a holiday and making sure everything is clean and tidy before you leave the house.     I sort of have the feeling like I have to get things in order.   I wonder if that's just morbid or is it normal to worry like that?    It all seems a little too much for me right now.   All I want to do is sleep my way through to the September 17th appointment and not have to deal with anything until then.   I'm a little bit of a nervous wreck.

Long Weekend In Edmonton

We went to Edmonton on this long weekend to celebrate Marge's 80th birthday.   Jacob and I drove up on Saturday mid-morning.   Jonathan went early so he could golf.   Jillian and Chris left about 20 - 30 minutes after we did.  

 

The drive was good and I enjoyed the time I spent with Jacob.    We all went for dinner to an Italian restaurant in downtown Edmonton.   It was good but not great.    On the way from the restaurant back to Betty's house Jonathan got a speeding ticket.    That sort of sucked but it was a long time coming, Jonathan has a heavy foot.

 

You know what sticks out in my mind about this weekend?   The fact that when I was sleeping Jonathan was talking to James and Betty and he told them about my high blood pressure then lied about it when I came up the stairs.    I heard him say something to the effect that he`ll talk about it to me this weekend and he also said he wanted to go to San Francisco too.    I was pretty angry that he'd tell them about it.   Isn't it for me to tell people if I want to tell them?   I'm really getting upset with him.     I was also disappointed that he told Glenna and Randy that I didn't finish the Breast Cancer walk this year.    Wasn't it him that said, "no one has to know you didn't finish" when he picked us up just before the finish.   I don't know, it's weird that he feels the need to just run his mouth off.    I'm not thinking I can trust him too much at all.