Work ... so much crap

Work is getting more and more stupid all the time.   We are getting more and more restrictions on what we are allowed to access or do while we are at work.    It's really ridiculous.   What it has come down to is lousy management.   We all know it and we all say it.    It's a shame.

  

In April I'll probably be given the opportunity to move to a 0.6 and now more than ever I'm wondering if I even want it.      There was a time when I wanted full time and now the thought of increasing my part time hours has me worried.     If I am offered more hours I will take it and I can always change my mind and go back to my old point if I want to.    It's just too bad that I'm not looking forward to it anymore.

 



Valentine's Day

I've never disliked Valentine's Day but this year it has left a little to be desired.    First off, Jacob's girlfriend breaks up with him on February 13th, one day before Valentine's Day.    I feel just awful for him.   He had made an appointment to take his driver's test on February 14th and go out for lunch with his girlfriend.   It would have been his first Valentine's Day with a girlfriend.   He was disappointed and I just felt so bad for him.

I try not to make a big deal out of the day itself.    I buy a card and I get everyone some candy.   Something to make them think that I'm thinking about them.    Yesterday Jacob and I wanted to meet Jonathan for lunch and actually bring him lunch as a surprise.     Well Jonathan didn't want us to go there.  So Jacob and I drove to Peter's Drive Inn and drove back home to surprise Jonathan with a treat that we seldom have.

Jonathan didn't open his card and for most of the day didn't touch his candy or even acknowledge it.    And I received nothing.   Not one thing from anyone.    Although I don't make a big deal out of the holiday I thought at least I would get a card.    I was wrong ... really, really wrong.   And truthfully, I'm hurt.   I have feelings too.

On the good side, Jacob did pass his driving test and now has his driver's licence.    And the day after Valentine's Day his old girlfriend says she's made the biggest mistake in breaking up with him.     I'm hoping he does not go back out with her again.   I didn't like her that much at all.    She is in love with herself.    He deserves a girl that loves him and treats him well.

Oh well, it's not for me to say what he should do and only time will tell what will actually happen.   All I do know that this Valentine's Day was particularly rough and I'm sort of pissed.

2013

It's been a long time since I've written.    Perhaps I'll start to write more regularly again in 2013.

 

It's the start of a new year.   A time to start fresh, start a new chapter in life.    But I seem to fall back on old habits too soon, this year is no exception.

 

I didn't make any grand New Years' resolutions.   I only made one.   It was a repeat of the one I made the year before because I had failed so miserably.   I only resolved to have more fun in my life.    Sometimes I think that will be easy and sometimes I don't.

 

One thing I've notice that does stop me from having more fun is the way I perceive things around me.     I've got one example; my former co-worker Sherry.      She quit working with us a while back and I have kept in touch loosely through FB.      She moved a couple of provinces away and although  she has her challenges she is doing well.     Now here's for the weird thing; I'm jealous that she is creating art -- all the time -- every day.   She posts photos of her projects and everyone loves it.    She is even selling it through FB.      I don't know why this is making me crazy but it really is.   Back when we worked together I showed her my art magazines as I do with anyone who wants to look at them.    She was intrigued and took off with the whole idea.   I didn't.    So I'm miserable.     Once again I feel paralyzed not knowing what to do.    Do I jump in?   Will it look like I'm trying to follow in her footsteps?     I'm just afraid.

 

Snow

We had a real serious snowfall this morning.   The kind of snow that didn't melt the minute it hit the ground.   Thankfully I didn't have to go to work, I heard the commute to work was slow moving .   Typical first snow drive.   Glad I missed it.

Jillian and Chris made it back home safely from their get-a-way in BC.   They were gone only 2 days but it sounded like they had a good time.   

Jacob and I went to the SAIT and ACAD open houses on the weekend.    We were impressed with the professionalism of SAIT and disappointed with ACAD.     Jacob has his heart set on going to SAIT when he is done with high school.    I'm happy he's more or less found a bit of a direction to go in.    It's a start and it's important to know where to start.

Tomorrow I go back to see Dr. Singh and see what the Echo test came up with.   I'm pretty sure I know I don't want to be on medications, meaning betablockers.    They scare the hell out of me.    Hopefully, that isn't something he'll suggest.     I just want to know what's going on and what I can do about it.    I really want to get back to the gym ... just wanting some re-assurance that it will be okay to do so.    Kind of nervous, have to admit.

Thanksgiving

Tomorrow is our Thanksgiving dinner and we are having it here at our house with Uncle Wally and Jillian and Chris coming over.    Jonathan will be golfing in the morning so I have to do most of it myself.    Part of me is unhappy about that because it's a lot of work and Jonathan doesn't care about that.     The other part of me is glad that he'll be out and out of the way.    He is so bossy and just stresses me out a lot of the time.

Today I took Jacob to South Centre to pick up his snowboard.    I paid for it and I don't know if he plans to pay me back or not.    Last weekend we picked up his new phone that he was going to pay me back for and so far, he hasn't.      I think this week, I'll mention it and hopefully he will pay me back.

It's after midnight right now and I should get to bed.   I have a lot to do in the morning.

Some Things Just Don't Work Out

They say when one door closes another door opens.    Sometimes that sounds like a bunch of crap even though deep down I know it's right.    The adoption of Mercury has come to a screeching halt, he going to another family.   Jacob and I found out yesterday afternoon when we made a visit to see a dog named Cerita.    I was under the impression that the rescue didn't think we was a good match for us because he's so busy.     But I was under the impression that it was still our decision.    I thought it was a good idea to see another dog only to see what the temperament of an older dog would be.   But during that visit we found out that Mercury was going to another family.    She didn't say why and I think that's what hurt quite a bit.    I felt like crying right away and was so choked up I could hardly speak.   It was awful.

The dog Cerita was a four year old female but she looked older to me but really mellow and calm.   Nice enough but she looked like she has been through the puppy rearing years and it had taken it's toll on her.   I wasn't smitten with her.   I didn't have the feeling that she was the dog for me.   I wasn't in love and that's what I should have felt.   

 

As Jacob and I drove away we talked about our disappointment and made the decision not to actively look for a dog right now.    Something about Mercury was special and that's why we wanted him in our lives.    I don't just want a dog to have a dog.   I want a dog that grabs my heart 100%.   I'm sad about the whole process.    It seemed like a total waste of time and not just our time, the time of our friends too.     I know now that the Xolo Rescue League isn't the right organization for us.   It's not just because we didn't get him, it's how it all happened.    Too many people involved in the process and not enough communication.    

 

  

Xolo Update

We were approved by the Xolo Rescue League but it seems like they are trying to talk us out of Mercury saying he is wild and crazy ... hanging off people and curtains.    I don't know why they would say that though.   It's more of a reflection of the foster family than the dog itself if you ask me.   Sure I do know little puppies are busy, busy little things.    Stuart was a fast and energetic pup before he grew up.     He was a lot of work but what a lot of fun we had learning about him and what he needed and who he was.     I'm not particularly turned off by the fact that Mercury is high spirited.    What I am worried about is the tension he may bring into the house.   I would hate to make the call to adopt him and then something happens where he does some damage when we are gone.    I can remember how mad Jonathan would get with happenings with Stuart.   It was super tense sometimes and I don't know if I am up for that kind of stress.

 

It's not puppy stress I'm worried about ... it's family stress.    Seriously, I don't have a clue about what to do.   

 

In my heart I'm thinking "let's do it".   When I don't over think it and when I look at his photo I'm pretty sure I know what I would like to do.      It's only when I sit and think ... then I start to worry about making a decision that could bring us more tension that I start to second guess what my heart is saying.

 

It's not easy.