Postcards



Postcards are nice in a way.    It means someone was thinking about you while they were away.    It also means you weren't there.   They let you see what you are missing.   

 

Sometimes they say "wish you were here" and sometimes they say "look what we are doing".

 

Either way, the card comes from somewhere, somewhere you are not.   It becomes a glaring reality that people are doing exciting or interesting things that you are not doing.   

 

I have this particular postcard sitting on my dresser in my bedroom.    What is written on the back is sweet enough but it just makes me sad.

 

I thought I'd write about it here instead of just having the feelings stuck in my head and heart.    This card comes from a young co-worker that is filling her life with traveling the world.     She works full time with the region and I often wonder how on earth she can take all the time off work to do this.    The full time job she has is the one I wanted.    So I am filled with very much resentment and jealously.   I know if I was given the job I would be working at my job.   Not ask for LOA's all the time to travel.      

 

What it boils down to is jealousy.    I'm not proud of that but it seems like she is rubbing my nose in the fact that she has the best of both worlds.     She has the job I would have wanted (at the time) and she is zipping around the world collecting memories and seeing things I could only dream of seeing.     It's sad that I feel like this.   I can't even be happy for her any more.  

 

Part of me wants to throw the postcard away but then I read the back and then I can't.   They are her memories she's making.   And while out there she did think of me, even for a moment.    I suppose I'll be keeping the card for a while longer.    It sits on the dresser, just like I am sitting here.