50th Birthday Party in the Hood

Went to Trent and Tracy Ronak's 50 birthday party last night with Penny.    It was a pretty big party at the Pembrooke community centre close to the old neighbourhood.    It was good seeing the two guys again.   I have to admit I didn't really talk to Tracy and he didn't seem to remember me too much.    But that's okay, Trent is the person that invited me.   He turned out to be a really nice guy.    Sounds like he and his girlfriend/wife? have gone on some pretty interesting adventures including living in the states for a extended period last year.    Sounds like they've been to many cool places.

 

Needless to say, that has got me thinking ... again.    No this can't be good can it?     Penny and I were sitting there more or less saying "what the hell?"       It really makes you think about what you've done with your life.

 

And it's not like I'm trying to compare my life with just theirs.    It seems to be all around me. Somewhere along the way I've put aside my dreams and I don't think I want to do that any more.  

 

I'm glad I went last night, it's so nice seeing people that were a part of my life while I was growing up.    

     

Depressed X2

This afternoon I had coffee with Penny.   We took our teas and walked around the mall (our usual MO).    Right off the bat she started talking about how depressed she was.   Of course she tempered it with quotes from her son saying she wasn't depressed but she was feeling down.     Exactly like I'm feeling.     Is it the time of year that is getting us down?    I don't know.     She offered the explanation that it's probably because it feels like it's been a long winter.    If you ask me winter always seems kind of long but it hasn't  been a bad winter by any means.     

 

If you ask me that can't be the reason for depression.     Sometimes things just get overwhelming and it's hard to dig out of it.   Being sad or depressed can't really come from the weather.   It's a personal opinion but if it weather had so much to do with it everyone would fall into depression and that's not the case.

 

Either way, it's unusual that both of us are feeling so down.   No easy explanation to be found.    No matter how you look at it. 

Postcards



Postcards are nice in a way.    It means someone was thinking about you while they were away.    It also means you weren't there.   They let you see what you are missing.   

 

Sometimes they say "wish you were here" and sometimes they say "look what we are doing".

 

Either way, the card comes from somewhere, somewhere you are not.   It becomes a glaring reality that people are doing exciting or interesting things that you are not doing.   

 

I have this particular postcard sitting on my dresser in my bedroom.    What is written on the back is sweet enough but it just makes me sad.

 

I thought I'd write about it here instead of just having the feelings stuck in my head and heart.    This card comes from a young co-worker that is filling her life with traveling the world.     She works full time with the region and I often wonder how on earth she can take all the time off work to do this.    The full time job she has is the one I wanted.    So I am filled with very much resentment and jealously.   I know if I was given the job I would be working at my job.   Not ask for LOA's all the time to travel.      

 

What it boils down to is jealousy.    I'm not proud of that but it seems like she is rubbing my nose in the fact that she has the best of both worlds.     She has the job I would have wanted (at the time) and she is zipping around the world collecting memories and seeing things I could only dream of seeing.     It's sad that I feel like this.   I can't even be happy for her any more.  

 

Part of me wants to throw the postcard away but then I read the back and then I can't.   They are her memories she's making.   And while out there she did think of me, even for a moment.    I suppose I'll be keeping the card for a while longer.    It sits on the dresser, just like I am sitting here.

Wedding Plans

Today when I went out with Penny for a coffee, we stopped in at a jewelery store at the mall where she had spotted the most beautiful engagement ring.   She had showed it to me before (last week I think) and this time she put it on hold.    She wants Robin to make a committment and buy it for her.    Of course she also wants to get married but she says she's not in a big rush for that.    We walked around and talked about it and jokingly made plans ... little plans, things like where and when.  ha ha,  okay they weren't so little I guess.   She mentioned she'd like to get married on her parent's anniversary which is June 29th.   And it falls on a Saturday in 2013.   That's pretty good don't you think?  She also wants to get married right on the farm possibly in the airplane hanger.     

It was all really fun to talk about and I hope it comes true for her.   It would be great for one of us to get a nice wedding.

Interview Today

Today I went for an interview with the HomeCare department at Alberta Health Services.     God, I hate interviews ... and AHS interviews are just as bad as West Jet interviews.       So many really stupid questions about really stupid things.     When I left there I didn't have the foggiest idea how it went.    Did I make a good impression?    Did I look like a goof?    WTF ... what ever happens, happens.   Nothing I can do about it now.

I went to see Shevaughn afterwards and brought her an Ice Cap from Tim Horton's.    She was just heading into lunch when I got there so I stayed and kept her company while she ate.   After I wheeled her down to physio therapy.   It was really good to see her.   And I'll be darned, she looks better and better every time I see her.    She teared up a little today when she mentioned Leo but she is so quick to regain her composure.    I hope sometimes she just has a really good cry and lets it out.

That was my day.   

30 Year High School Reunion

Last night was the 30 Year High School Reunion at Dixon's Pub.    Penny met me here at our house and Jonathan was kind enough to drive us over to the pub.    There were 38 people in attendance from school and there were a couple of spouses, so the number was just over 40.   It was a small bunch but a very nice group of people all the same.   I can't say I knew everyone there because I just didn't.     The room was a little divided into two groups based on who people knew and that is to be expected.   Everyone seemed to have a good time.    There were a couple of people that didn't go that I would have liked to see again.   Those two are Fiona and Murray.    To be honest Fiona was a "maybe" but Murray said he would attend.      Too bad they weren't there, it would have been nice.

But let me tell you what was nice.    Both Candy and Lynda were there.   Candy beat us all there by 5 minutes or so.     They looked genuinely happy to see each other again and I'm so happy I was able to find them both and tell them about this reunion.   We plan on getting together again for coffee or lunch sometime to reconnect in the near future.    I'm already looking forward to that.

After the pub a few of us headed out to Judy's house for drinks.     Not too many people went and of course Penny and I did go.   Carolyn was pretty drunk and was telling story after story entertaining all of us.   I'm wondering if her head is hurting her today.   luckily, I'm okay myself.   I thought I drank too much but I suppose over the course of the evening it wasn't too much after all.

Ernie took photos of everyone and I'm already dreading seeing mine on-line.     Yikes!   Those top of the line high def cameras have to go!      But I'm glad I went.    I'm also glad it's over so I can stop worrying about it too.     There are plans for doing a really nice reunion in September and I've expressed interest in getting together to get some planning done.   Kurt seems to be in charge of that.   I think with everyone pitching in and with some advance notice, more people will be able to come and it will be even more fun.

Mother's Day

Mother's Day.    The second Mother's Day in a row that's been kind of awful.    Admittedly, last year was much, much worse but this Mother's Day was tough too.     Clete passed away last Mother's Day so this is a sad anniversary to say the very least.   

This morning I was on the computer trying to adjust my status to reflect the fact that it was Mother's Day.   I was looking around seeing other posts and reading everywhere that people were sending well wishes to Shevaughn.     Since I couldn't see any mention of details I searched around to find someone on line.     I instant messaged Stacy (from work) to find out what was wrong.    Shevaughn had been in a serious motorcycle accident on Saturday, May 7th near Bragg Creek.   She was rushed to hospital by Stars Air Ambulance and her boyfriend died on the way to the hospital.     Such shocking and sad news.   She is in the trauma unit at the Foothills Hospital.

I'm just in shock about it.    At home I cried when I was getting ready for work and cried again here at work when I saw the news video on CTV (Roberta showed it to Sheila and I).    The thing that goes through my head over and over again was the conversation we had Friday afternoon when we were working together.    She had mentioned that her sister was going for a motorcycle ride with her boyfriend and she was concerned saying something like, "I feel nervous, what if something were to happen.    I would want it to happen to me and not her."    Every time I think about that I feel really, really sad.    Jonathan says it's just coincidence but in my heart I think people know when something is going to happen.

This hasn't been a very good day.

Coffee or Sales Pitch ??

So yesterday I was a little upset (mostly with myself) but didn't write about it because I hadn't given it some distance.   That and I planted my herb and flower seeds to get myself in better mood.   By the way, it worked and I was distracted for a while from being mad.

But now to vent and get it off my chest.   Yesterday I had coffee with Mandi, who had moved to Edmonton and had got to know from work here at AHS.    We hadn't had coffee in ages (because she moved) and in the past had met for coffee once in a while to chat, which was nice.     This past week she was in town and wanted to meet for coffee.    Of course I said yes and we picked a date/time.   She then asked if she could do a practice presentation with me ... saying she needed a safe person to practice on and I didn't have to buy anything.      We visited for a while and then I asked her if she wanted to start the presentation.    It was for Melaleuca and I tried to be receptive and positive.   That was my big problem ... and guess what, it wasn't a practice session, she is already a director in the company!      And being stupid or just too nice, I signed up.   The problem is that it isn't like other companies (like Avon) where you can be a casual buyer ... it's based on a points system where they want you to buy 35 points worth of merchandise every month.   That would be approximately $75.00 or more, plus shipping, etc.   There is a yearly membership fee and if you forget to order one month there is a back-up order that is submitted so the month is not missed.

Call me gutless, spineless or just plainly an idiot.    There she was holding her little information booklet showing me the levels of commitment and asking me which one I would like.    I was dumbfounded and took the first one, which was for only buying, no selling.     Truthfully, I was mad that I felt cornered and a little lied to.    I'm trying to get my nerve up and send her a message that I've changed my mind about the whole thing.     When I get home from work this afternoon I will send her an email and email the company to discontinue this membership. 

Oh I'm just so mad!!

It Happened Yesterday

So my last post written earlier this evening was about today's happenings with this crazy weather.   But I totally forgot about yesterday!    I worked early in the morning over at ACH/FMC my least favorite site.    But the day went by just wonderfully mostly because I worked with Shevaughn and she is pleasant company.      And I was feeling overall happy because my eye was finally feeling better.    AND, I can't believe I didn't write about that.  Mind you, I couldn't even open my eye so writing on the computer was nearly impossible.

But to continue with yesterday.    After work we went to Artpoint Galleries and Studios   http://www.artpoint.com/ to see an art show with Sheila's work (she is Jonathan's co-worker).    We met Glenna and Randy there.    Many other people from Acklands were there also, but I don't know any of them, so I'm only mentioning it to say she had a lot of support, which is good.     There were a lot of interesting pieces of art there and I particularly liked the work of Fred Spina.   I would have loved to buy one of his paintings but they are priced too high for me.    But it made me happy to look at it.

After seeing all the art we headed out to the Inglewood area to an Italian Restaurant named Sugo.    It was an interesting restaurant and we had some interesting appetizers.   They have a different menu every night and yesterday's menu just didn't have anything I would enjoy.   Everyone liked their meals but mine was ordered incorrectly by the waitress and when the correct order finally came out everyone was half finished with their dinner.     And to top it off, my dinner was awful.   I took what I didn't finish home with us.   Jonathan ate it today for lunch and even he said it was just the worst and said I should have sent it back.    In a way, that made me feel better, it wasn't only me who thought it was terrible.

Since we don't seem to go out too often I was disappointed that my dinner turned out like it did.   But oh well, it was still a night out.   And I really enjoy going out with Glenna and Randy.   They are always so much fun and easy to be with.

WTF

WTF.    Today Jonathan gets home from work and asked if I'll have a problem sitting with Jason and his girlfriend at the Acklands Grainger Winter Party next Saturday.    What does that even mean?    Is he expecting that I'm going to be a total loon or something?     Okay, I don't even know what to say about that one.   I'll admit I'd be much, much happier if they weren't there at all.   But on the other hand, it is also my opportunity to see what's up.  Am I looking forward to this?   No, not really but I'll make the best of it, just like I do everything else in my life.

The other evening we went out for dinner and drinks with Randy and Glenna to this restaurant over in Glenmore Landing.    They bought us some champagne to celebrate the wedding news.   It was nice.    Over the course of the evening talk turned to vacation destinations and Jonathan mentioned that he and I would be going to Palm Springs in February.     This was another WTF moment.   I didn't let on that I was surprised by this news and the conversation just went on as normal.     Yesterday evening I asked Jonathan when I was suddenly invited to this get-a-way.    Then he launches into his big "well nothing is guaranteed yet, I have to make a call and see just what kind of a deal it is", etc.      He also made a reference that I was always invited to go.   My F'ing ass I was.   This was a golf holiday for his brothers and him.     Originally I thought it was for Jeff, Dawn, Jon and I but in less than 24 hours I was told otherwise.   So if I am to assume that I was always invited, I must be on some pretty good drugs or a total looser or something.

I haven't had the chance to go and have coffee with Penny since the wedding.   I'm dying to go and talk to her.  I need to see what her take is on the feelings I have over this wedding.    How come I'm so sick and tired of hearing that Jonathan is such a great guy to spring this wedding on me?     I'm still feeling slightly ripped off about the whole thing.    And to sit at the party on Saturday and hear more of it ... seriously, I may blow my top.    I need to let off a bit of steam before then.   Or I need her take on it so I can get my head around it some.