A Quick List

Saw this on another blog, so it's not my idea.   Thought I'd try it out.

Outside my window ... it's dark outside and I can't see more than the interior of the room reflecting back at me.

I am thankful for ... the fact that we were able to pick out and buy a new dishwasher this afternoon.    We have also picked out a new fridge and stove (which is absolutely beautiful).    The last two items are on the sales order but we haven't paid for them yet.    We've locked in the special pricing with no obligation to purchase if we change our minds. 

From the kitchen ... this weekend I made a spinach and feta quiche which was fabulous and I think I'm going to make it again tomorrow (since I'm not working).   I followed a recipe loosely and made changes and it worked out perfectly.

I am wearing ... my down jacket, grey t-shirt, black jeans and black boots (I'm at work).

I am creating ... a nicer home with lots of help from Jonathan.

I am going ... to start taking better care of myself and stop eating so many sweet sugary things.

I am reading ... Return of the King, book 3 of the Lord of the Rings trilogy.

I am hoping ... that the rest of the flooring goes in okay and we don't end up with more hassles as often happens when renovating.

I am hearing ... my co-workers talk about churches, summer camps and telephones ringing.

Around the house ... Jonathan is working on putting in the bamboo hardwood in Jillian's room.   It's almost done.  Then it's down the hallway and back into our own bedroom.

One of my favorite things ... is being organized.     Things are a little out of whack with Jillian being in the spare room while the flooring is being done.

I don't understand ... why I can't motivate myself to do more things.

I wish ... I made more time to go to the gym.     And I also wish I didn't get cold sores.   One is just healing on my lip right now and I really hate them.

A few plans for the rest of the week ... paint the ceiling in Jillian's room.   And maybe paint the ceiling the the hallway and our room too.    Maybe I will get this done this week, maybe not.

Year of the Rabbit

Oh so this is the Chinese year of the Rabbit.   I'm a rabbit ... does this make it my year?    On the weekend I found an article and it says, "Starting this month, you have two years to plan out the next twelve.   Sometime during this twelve-month period, make it your business to sit down and make a preliminary list.   Think hard about where you want to be 12 years from now.   No hurry.  You have time."

Wow, now I have to start officially planning my life.    I've been wondering for ever about my  life ... what I've done up to now and what I can do about the future.    But wondering is all I've done.    Okay, wondering and writing about it, but not doing any real concrete planning.

This is what I've thought of before I even read this article.    I "think" I want to take some classes like Medical Terminology or something like a Unit Clerk course.    I want to take something that will be transferable when we move to Vancouver Island.    I really do need some more skills.

Then there is the idea of starting my own business.   What that would be is anyone's guess.   But when I look at Etsy, etc., I get so excited about the idea of doing something like that, something on-line, something independent.    That would be a dream come true.

So now it's on me.    Start planning the next 2 years for the next 12 years.   Sounds like a task, but I've sort of started the process with this crazy 5 year plan Penny and I had started.    And I took it one step further when Jonathan and I re-calulated our mortgage to be finished in five years.    Those are steps in the right direction.   Now to work on my own game plan.    Yikes.   It's easier to just gripe randomly about the fact that I feel like I am going no where.   

I have to put on my Rabbit ears and get busy.   Wish me luck.

What now?

So how lame is this?     Mahara has taken Doug's point, which means she will be working at RGH/PLC the exact weekends I work and at the same times.   I made the discovery just yesterday.    I had seen her on the schedule on the weekend but it only really started to make sense yesterday.    Needless to say, it wrecked my whole day.    And, it wrecked most of today's too.

The question now is, what am I going to do about it?     My first instinct is to quit my job.   The better thing to do would be to change points myself but I'm not in control of that and it doesn't seem likely that it will happen in the near future.      What I do have to do is put myself in a situation where I am able to get another job and the way I see it is that to move within the region I have to get my medical terminology to get a better chance of moving to another department.

Then I can always hope she retires and gets the hell out of the department herself.       I only want to work in the region for another 3.5 to 4 years.    I wonder who will leave first ... me or her?

Another Working Saturday

Another Saturday spent at work, gazing out the window ... wishing I was somewhere else.    Once again it makes me wonder about how I got here and where I am going.   I'm almost done my day, it's 1:00pm and I'm off at 3:00pm.    Starting early, as hard as it is, does have it's good points.

This evening we are going to my sister's house to celebrate Sammy's birthday.   It will be nice.   Chris might be going too but I'm not exactly sure.    I may be wrong but Sammy could be turning 7 (his actual birthday falling on February16th).    I can't believe he is getting so big.

I'm looking out the window, the trees are swaying wildly.    It's not a cold wind though.   For February 12th it's actually quite nice outside.   We've had piles of snow this winter and after a wind like this, I assume piles of snow will be gone by the end of the weekend.   Spring ... I can hardly wait.

I've seen displays full of seed packages in the stores.   It makes me think that perhaps I will start some tomato plants this year.   I haven't done that for years now and I really miss the whole process, it makes the growing season seem much longer (even if it is started indoors).  If I had more room, I would start many plants indoors ...veggies, flowers, etc.    It would be wonderful wouldn't it?   But I don't have that kind of room and my seedlings get in Jonathan's way all the time.   Insert a big sigh here.   Maybe I'll just start just a few ... okay just a very few.     Now that feels better already.

February Blues

Maybe because it's February (my least favorite month) or maybe it's because I received another letter about a job that once again I didn't get, I'm feeling down.   I had a less than perfect day.   It wasn't the worst day in the world but I didn't have the best day either.    I don't know how many jobs I applied for in the past couple of months but it seems I'm not good enough for any of them, even the posting within my own department.   What a  blow to the ego.    Then to top it all off, Chantale (a lady I work) with got a job closer to where she lives within the Alberta Health Region and she doesn't even have her high school diploma.   What the shit?   I don't get it.   I can't even get an interview.     I'm really pissed off.    No, I just thought I'd be doing more with my life.    Sometimes it just seems like I'm not even getting a chance.

February Already?

OMG, it's February already! Where does the time go? I mean seriously ... where does the time go? Sadly I know that sometimes it is just wished away. By this I mean times like when I'm sitting at work hoping the time would just pass as quickly as possible. That's not good. Thankfully I don't work enough to wish most of my life away. But this weekend I did exactly that.

We are in the middle of another cold snap along with piles of snow. It's to be expected, we live in Canada, the great white north. But just last week we experienced a record high and now this. I love all the snow. I love driving in it. I am also thankful that I don't have to rely on public transit, waiting in the cold, etc.

I was watching some TV this morning (a day off) and saw a comedian who said he is in "middle life". He is about 40 years old. The host of the show said, "no, you're not middle aged yet!". He said, it's like life is a football game, he's at half time and he's looking back saying, "well I played that first half pretty poorly ... ". It got me thinking. When does mid-life officially start? I'm thinking he was right if you base it on the fact that we will live until 75 or 80 years old. Some may live more, some less. But as far as averages go, yep, this is middle age.

I also thought about his comment about half time. I don't know if I played the first half poorly but I didn't play it thoughtfully. I didn't play it with intention or planning. I've gotten to where I am, be it good or bad by a series of events that fell into my lap. Really. So if I can say, "I played it poorly", it was just that it wasn't really played ... it just happened to me. Wow, that is a lot to take in.

With this notion spinning around in my head, it makes we wonder how I will play out the next half. Continue to leave it up to fate? Continue to be a passenger in the car of life? Or do I take the wheel and do a couple of laps around the block where I really take some control of what happens?

It's easier to do as I have done. But with it comes a little disappointment, know I've not lived up to my potential.

WTF

WTF.    Today Jonathan gets home from work and asked if I'll have a problem sitting with Jason and his girlfriend at the Acklands Grainger Winter Party next Saturday.    What does that even mean?    Is he expecting that I'm going to be a total loon or something?     Okay, I don't even know what to say about that one.   I'll admit I'd be much, much happier if they weren't there at all.   But on the other hand, it is also my opportunity to see what's up.  Am I looking forward to this?   No, not really but I'll make the best of it, just like I do everything else in my life.

The other evening we went out for dinner and drinks with Randy and Glenna to this restaurant over in Glenmore Landing.    They bought us some champagne to celebrate the wedding news.   It was nice.    Over the course of the evening talk turned to vacation destinations and Jonathan mentioned that he and I would be going to Palm Springs in February.     This was another WTF moment.   I didn't let on that I was surprised by this news and the conversation just went on as normal.     Yesterday evening I asked Jonathan when I was suddenly invited to this get-a-way.    Then he launches into his big "well nothing is guaranteed yet, I have to make a call and see just what kind of a deal it is", etc.      He also made a reference that I was always invited to go.   My F'ing ass I was.   This was a golf holiday for his brothers and him.     Originally I thought it was for Jeff, Dawn, Jon and I but in less than 24 hours I was told otherwise.   So if I am to assume that I was always invited, I must be on some pretty good drugs or a total looser or something.

I haven't had the chance to go and have coffee with Penny since the wedding.   I'm dying to go and talk to her.  I need to see what her take is on the feelings I have over this wedding.    How come I'm so sick and tired of hearing that Jonathan is such a great guy to spring this wedding on me?     I'm still feeling slightly ripped off about the whole thing.    And to sit at the party on Saturday and hear more of it ... seriously, I may blow my top.    I need to let off a bit of steam before then.   Or I need her take on it so I can get my head around it some.